The Story Behind My Happiness

I don't know if it's the glow, the lighting, or the ruby woo but people have been hyping me up and telling me I've been looking reeeeeeal happy lately. While I am very much happy at the moment (Won't he do it?!), one of the biggest criticisms of my generation is our tendency to be performative and not transparent. While my cry is a bit too ugly for the gram, I try to share a nice balance of struggle and sucess on my social media. I do think that the journey to happiness is often overlooked and underrated. People wanna harp on your glory but don't wanan hear the story. 

Happiness is work. Its waking up every morning committed to trying again, no matter what happened the day before. Its giving your soul a rest when the battle of life leaves you weary. It's giving second chances. Its holding firm to your boundaries, even when its hard. Its saying 'No', even when ridden by guilt. Saying 'Yes' when rippled by fear.

Happiness is loving again after being hurt. It's seeing the best parts of you in others.  It's filling the holes in your heart you expected others to heal. It's compassion. Understanding. Patience. Kindness, towards yourself especially.

Happiness is being the person to others you want them to be to you. It's loving others through disappointment. It's seeing acts of harm towards you as cries for help. It's moving forward without the apology you swore you needed.

It's breaking the chains of generational behaviors and doing something different. It's standing alone. Standing in solidarity. In sisterhood. Community.

Its holding the mirror up to yourself and seeing the ugliest parts of you. It's holding the mirror to yourself and looking past the ugly, to see the beautiful. Its knowing that with work and God, you can be better. Knowing that you are enough as you are. 

Happiness is the moment you realize your seeds of hardwork has bore fruit to something wonderful. Its realizing that you have even more work to do. It's having that piece of cake. It's not having another. 

Happiness is crafted of failures and doubt. Loneliness. This happiness was earned...slowly, patiently,  painfully.

This smile was built by tears. This laugh, crafted from cries of despair. So while I am happy now, know that this joy wasn't given to me.

My desire to share isn't simply a cry for attention or 'for the gram', it's from wanting to share my triumph, my victory.  For all the times I was too weak and broken to share my sorrow.

 I offer my smile as a beacon of hope. My experiencs, I offer as encouragement.  I share this even while others oppose. They are not aware of what it took to build this smile.

This joy is an act of rebellion against a world that said that I was to never smell the fruits of true fufillment.  I share this for my future self, who will undoubtedly slip back into sadness, as a reminder of what I once was. A demonstration of what I have the potential to be.