Dear White People: White Ally Do's and Don'ts
The US is the ghetto right now and while I’ve always known America wasn’t shit I didn’t know we were this bad. In the midst of going to work and acting like nothing is happening while absolving my anxiety about coronavirus and police brutality in a plethora of quarantine projects, I’ve also been processing the white response of folks I’m connected to in real life and social media. As a black woman who knows a fair share of white people, I’ve seen a lot of um…interesting strategies to deal with the latest instance of police brutality. In addition to to rolling my eyes, and passive aggresive social media posts (I wouldnt be me if I wasn’t petty LOL), I’ve decided to make a list of do’s and don’ts for the white folk just lookin to do right. Enjoy!
Do share posts of solidarity on social media but
DON’T let that be the end of your activism.
It will take more than a hashtag or black squares on Instagram to defeat white supremacy. After you post that meme or share a link to good reading materials, what are you actually doing afterward? Cause if you’re still going to the voting booth and voting against the interest of communities of color, actively segregating yourself from environments with diverse populations, or still allowing grandma to call us “colored” at the dinner table, I’d say that social media post is nothing but performative bullshit. White allies use social media posts to supplement their activism not replace it.
DO reach out to your black friends and coworkers during this time but
DON’T contact them to absolve your white guilt or burden them with requests for educational material.
The good sis, Google is FREE and PLENTIFUL, before you reach out to a black person in your network, ask yourself, “Can this be Googled?”. Most questions can, why should racism be expemt.? You should use google, articles, and books ( credited sources only please) to gather a fundamental understanding of the implications of white supremacy on the economy, healthcare, and every other facet of American society. If you do reach out to your black friends, make sure the POC is an ACTUAL friend and not just a black person you know. If your only interaction is a casual conversation about a Lizzo or Beyonce concert, a reference to a Tik Tok, that in hindsight was kinda racist, or awkward questions disguised as compliments about their hair: THEY ARE NOT YOUR FRIEND. TBH if you’ve known a black person for years and never thought to have a conversation about race, you’re not that close. Black people are already dealing with the emotional toll of the latest instance of police brutality, before reaching out make sure you aren't creating more stress for them.
DO reflect on everything that’s happening but
DON’T center yourself
After you’ve done the research, the next step should be self-reflection and changed behavior. How is white supremacy flourishing in your life? In what ways do you personally contribute to the problem? Why don’t you have any black friends? Are you advocating for your black coworkers at work? What are your unconscious biases? I do want to make the point that I believe this reflection is best done privately. Sharing your recent realization that black people deserve to live is a very shitty take (though real) and nothing to brag about on social media. You don’t deserve a pat on the back for being a decent human being, and if you’re expecting one please revisit the research and self-reflection step until to think otherwise.
DO talk about instances of injustice but
DON’T tell black people how to respond to them
When instances of injustices occur it is important that the events are on the tongues of ALL mouths but that does not include your opinion of how the affected communities respond. It’s frankly none of your business. Your energy is best served by focusing on your individual contributions and what actions you can take in your own racial community to not contribute to the problem.
DO make the change but
DON’T expect it to be easy
When surveying the white response on my own timelines I sense the recognition that the situation is dire but the desire to impact change is limited to the confines of white comfort. Dismantling a centuries-old system of structural oppression will be everything but easy. It requires a complete transformation of the world as we know it and white people, the major beneficiaries of this system, will have to confront and eventually lose their white privilege. There is no fun easy way out of this. The dismantling of white supremacy requires difficult conversations like writing a letter to the vice president of your company asking why there is no racial diversity in company leadership, or lovingly confronting your mother for clutching her purse when walking by a black man in a hoodie. We need white people to start to check each other and hold each other accountable. When your homeboy shares a racist joke in your company, we need you to confront him. When your uncle comments on your Facebook status that Black Lives Matter is a terrorist organization, we need you to correct him.
True allyship is divestment from white supremacy and privilege and goes far beyond being “a good white person”. A white ally demonstrates a willingness to walk away from life as we know it and make active contributions toward a future where people of all races are valued. White allyship is not antiracism in performance but in action. The great prophet Beyonce once said, “Come harder, this won’t be easy.” Like any other form of systemic oppression, in the end, no one truly wins. Are you willing to grab the metaphorical sledgehammer and strike the wall of white supremacy with all your might?